Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
my poor anus
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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