Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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