The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
