I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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