You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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