she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
