Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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