he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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