And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
3 2 1 whiskey
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
