The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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