I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
When did angry sex become our thing?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
