Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
