You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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