brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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