then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
smell my finger.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
