Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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