question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
