i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
