i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
