too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
