Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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