Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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