Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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