This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize