He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
