They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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