WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
