I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
