Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
