Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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