what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
