he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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