my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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