just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i think i just lost a toe
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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