Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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