I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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