the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it hurts more in the daytime
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
