but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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