hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
