I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
