What a fucking waste of an outfit
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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