That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
