I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize