How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i will never coherently bang her
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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