Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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