please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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