I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
