Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
