You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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