So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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