So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
