Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
