some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
