Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
