I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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