"it" just moved
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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