he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
