After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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