they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
