her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
