you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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