OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
barbara walters just said penis...
she smelled like a LAN party
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
