70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize