So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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