did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
