Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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