Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
