I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
