if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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