Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
