I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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