Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
being pregnant is like rehab
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
